


Hands Off the Tunes

by CatrinaSL



Series: A Simple Device [15]
Category: Deadpool (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Darcy Lewis's Taser, Darcy Lewis's iPod, F/M, Pet Names, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Taserpool, The Lord of the Rings References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 09:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6512149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatrinaSL/pseuds/CatrinaSL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a normal day in Avengers Tower: random super heroes dropping by, nbd. Until one of them touches Darcy's iPod and she feels the need to aggressively suggest that he put it down and back away slowly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Soulmate I've All Been Waiting For

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Crystallea1321](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystallea1321/gifts).



> This fic is for Crystallea1321, who prompted me _last week_ and helped me Wade this fic up (without letting him get too inappropriate).
> 
> Soulmark AU Reminder: Everyone has a Soulmark, a tattoo of the first words their Soulmate will say to them. Showing someone else your Soulmark is like baring your soul to them, so most people only show their Soulmate or very trusted friends.

Darcy loves that she has a Tolkien reference as a Soulmark. Well, part of a Tolkien reference. Whatever. It was an amazing defense against anyone who said she was too obsessed with the Lord of the Rings movies in junior high. Because a claim like, “Shut up, Andy Serkis is my Soulmate” requires good, destiny-style backup.

Honestly, if she hadn’t had the Soulmark, she’d probably have gone out and gotten something similar tattooed on her butt. Because that’s where tattoos belong. Not on your  _ collar bone _ , Soulmark, thankyouverymuch. Seriously.

She always thought she’d meet her Soulmate while waiting in line to see one of the movies, or maybe on a fan forum, or even when she worked at the video store (in high school, before it closed).

She never thought she’d meet her Soulmate at work.

Or that he would be coming on to Bruce Banner at the time.

Darcy and Jane exchanged a look of confusion as the man clad head to toe in red and black bounced into their lab. Sure, Tony had said they would probably be receiving super-visitors that day, and  _ freaking Spiderman _ had already stopped by, so, hey, normal day in Avengers Tower. 

He had already slapped Bruce’s behind in a ‘good job, fellow sports teammate’ fashion when the physicist had attempted to keep him from pressing all the buttons, and Darcy could tell that Jane was about five seconds away from calling shenanigans on Tony and asking this guy to get the hell out of her lab when he was distracted by something shiny.

It was Darcy’s iPod.

“Ooh, do you have any WHAM! on this thing, Sweet’n’Spicy?” he asked Bruce. “Or some nice Gregorian Chanting; I’m not picky.”

Bruce just stared at him.

“What, you don’t have any good music or you don’t like the pet name? Would you prefer ‘The Incredible Hunk?’ ‘Bruciecakes?’ How about ‘Hulkalicious?’ No? We’ll get there. Willingness to compromise is a building block of any loving relationship.”

“Hey!” Darcy stood, coming to the defense of her electronics. She waved her taser. “Don’t touch my iPod or I will turn you into a pile of electrified goo.” She glared at him and the way he was pointedly not obeying. She brandished her weapon some more. “Understand?”

“But…” his voice came through the mask in such a way that she knew he was pouting underneath it. “I likes it!” He petted the side of it, then whispered, “My precious...”

Jane was looking expectantly at her, probably wondering why she hadn’t delivered on her threats. She’d nearly kneed Tony in the special place when he had dared to suggest that she replace the out of date Apple product with some fifteen-minutes-in-the-future Stark tech.

“I don’t care if you’re my Soulmate;” she told him. “Hands  _ off  _ the tunes.”

“Okee dokee then,” he replied, replacing her prized possession in the exact spot he’d picked it up. He sauntered toward her, his head tilted, examining her. “Darcy Lewis, huh? You know our ship name is ‘Taserpool?’ I think that’s kind of hot.”

“Well,” Darcy said, putting her taser down, “It would make sense. With the me threatening to tase you into a pool.”

“Also me being Deadpool.”

Darcy was confused. “But I didn’t even tase you, like, at all.”

“No, that’s my—” He pointed at his face. “Deadpool! Like… ‘Iron Man’ or ‘Prince Thor of Asgard,’ only slightly sexier.”

Jane contributed her opinion in the form of a disbelieving snort that quickly turned into a disbelieving giggle.

“You can laugh now,” he told her. “But wait until the girly gossip you get from my Soulmate here  about how much sexier I am than at least three Greek gods and a couple of Egyptian ones. ” He turned back to Darcy. “I was going to have Tall, Dark, and Curly over there show me around, but I think I’m contractually obligated to ask you to give me a tour, Soulmate.”

“Yeah, okay,” Darcy agreed.

“Great!” He slung an arm around her shoulders and steered her out of the lab, pausing at the door to wave goodbye to Jane and Bruce. “Toodles!”

Now that they were alone, Darcy had to ask. “Who are you under there, anyway? Not Andy Serkis, by any chance?”

“Nah, just a mouthy kid by the name of Wade Wilson. And I always preferred Dominic Monaghan, myself. He’s  _ way _ dreamier.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You reached the end of the fic. The credits roll:  
> Starring: God's Perfect Idiot  
> And: The Soulmate You've All Been Waiting For  
> Writer: CatrinaSL  
> Producer: Crystallea1321  
> Executive Producer: Stella Malodi  
> But don't get up and leave! Tip the popcorn up and dump the rest into your mouth while you wait for that final extra scene at the end!
> 
> Tumblr: [catrinasl](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Twitter: [@Catrina_SL](http://twitter.com/Catrina_SL)


	2. After-Credits Scene

Wade walks out of the bathroom, clad in a striped robe over his outfit. “You’re still here?” he asks. “It’s over. Go home.” He waves dismissively, and suddenly there’s a yell from the background, something about a triple word score. Wade sighs. “You’re expecting that bonus scene? Fine. She’s kicking my ass at Scrabble; I gotta get back there. Take your extra content and leave. (Leave a nice comment, that is!)”

He scampers away, and you’re left with the Avengers’ (& co.) reactions to hearing Wade and Darcy’s news of destiny.

Tony: *hysterical laughter*

Steve: "This seems like a really bad idea to me."

Natasha: "If this is going to be a thing, then my training you is no longer optional, Darcy, it is mandatory. Sometimes Wade forgets that not everyone can just shrug off a bullet wound."  
Wade: “Oh, come on! That was  _ one _ time!”

Tony: *un-scientist-like giggling*

Clint: "Fate? Are you sure? Is there a way to double check?"

Thor: "And should her heart break, there is no place in the Nine Realms where you would be able to hide."

Tony: *unable to breathe because of the laughter*

Bruce: "Well I guess that means that he'll stop hitting on me, at least."   
Wade: "Nope! Sorry, Professor of Sexiness!"  
Bruce: “Actually, I don’t mind  _ that _ pet name.”  
Wade: “It’s not my best work. I can’t decide whether it means that you teach a class on sexiness or if you’re tenured at a college that’s got sexiness down as a dress code requirement or if you’re merely a professor who happens to be sexy.”  
Bruce: “Is it that important to know which?”  
Wade: “Yeah! Let’s go crazy! All three at once! I like the way you think, Professor.”  
Bruce: “Would you mind taking your hand off my ass? You’ll make Darcy jealous.”  
Wade: “No I won’t; there’s plenty of ass to go around! Darcy, pull up a cheek!”  
Darcy: “Wow, Bruce, nice glutes.”  
Bruce: “Weren’t you supposed to—” *sigh*

Coulson: *sighs, shakes his head* (Later) “Fitz? Is there a way we can get surveillance on Wade Wilson without him finding out again? … I didn’t think so.”

Tony: *snorting between bouts of giggles, rolling on the floor and kicking one or both of his legs out uncontrollably at random intervals*

Fury: “Well, maybe she’ll keep him out of my hair.”  
S.H.I.E.L.D. lackey: “Sir, you don’t have any h—”  
Fury: “You don’t wanna finish that sentence.” *badass one eyed glare*  
Wade: “Psst! Wanna prank ‘im?”  
Darcy: “You mean Captain Eyepatch? Um,  _ yes _ .”  
Wade: “Best Soulmate ever!”

Jane: “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just tase him?”  
Wade: “Ooh, I think I  _ like _ that idea!”  
Jane: *rolls eyes* “Don’t need a ‘Mark to tell you’re Darcy’s Soulmate.”  
Wade: “Thank you for the compliment! You’re a good friend; Darcy and I cherish your support.”  
Jane: “Get away from me.”

Tony: *laughter winds down* *wipes tears out of eyes and takes deep breaths* *starts laughing again*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com/post/172896413648/hands-off-the-tunes)
> 
> Tumblr: [catrinasl](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Twitter: [@Catrina_SL](http://twitter.com/Catrina_SL)


End file.
